That being said, I'm learning a lot about how depraved (totally and relentlessly against God) I can be. And it's not that I've been doing the "bad" stuff, you know, things "Christians" say you shouldn't do, like drinking, sex, whatev. I've just been ignoring God. That's the foundation of all sin, but this is specific. I'd like to blame it on the summer, what with this being the first summer I've been in the states with no specific plan since God first saved me. But that would be skirting the issue. The issue is that I love a lot of other things more than my Father. It's sick, because I will find excuses like "I'm tired and I need to chill because I've been working all day" to try and justify my rebellion, but again, it won't work.
At the same time, my beautiful Savior continues to teach me and show me in very obvious, tangible ways, that He forever loves me and will never leave me, even in my disobedience. He welcomes me every time I return, and He works things out that shouldn't work out. Things like work, or housing, or taking care of guys that He's given me to shepherd. He is bringing guys from the neighborhood to our apartment, guys who are looking for a Bible study, and what have I done to deserve it? NOTHING. In fact, He should leave me and get someone who cares more than I do. But, He chose me, and thats how its gonna be. And man, I am soooo glad. HE CHOSE ME. And HE PURSUES ME. And HE WILL SAVE HIS PEOPLE.
Real quick, I just want to say this: Just because God continues to love on us and do amazing things even when we are hard-headedly in sin, it doesn't mean we can stay in sin. "If we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there is no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgement, and a fury of fire that will consume all the adversaries.
True believers, those who know God and who are known by God, they cannot stay in sin long before God draws them back to repentance and to Himself. And that is the message that I want you to take away. God has loved us, so much so that He poured His wrath on His Son so that you (if you're a believer) and I could become His children, those who He will take care of and guide without any condition. I wish I had better words to describe it. I'm gonna take a minute (or a day, most likely) and write some more once I get my thoughts together.
Grace and peace.
